The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I'm always down for nudity.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
