So drunk its hurt
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
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