Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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