Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
