DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
What a dumb baby whore.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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