She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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