Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
