I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Randomize
