i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Randomize
