sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize