Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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