Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
