as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
