I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
You can't just leave with hair like that
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
