My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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