well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
