I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
