The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
