i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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