WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
