we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
