i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize
