I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
