There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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