I think I just saw someone hide a body.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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