did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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