We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
i used baking grease as lip gloss
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
