why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
