Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
