idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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