dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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