i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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