Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
