I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
