i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
