you guys were way drunker than both of me
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
