I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
