he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
i think my cat just said my name.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
