you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
