is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
