Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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