Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Pińatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
