my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
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