I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
There r osticjed everywhere
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
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