I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Randomize
