You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
