I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
