I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
