thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
