Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
