let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize