Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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