My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
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