I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
