Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
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