So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
