I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I just made out with a guy for $7.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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