walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
