So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
