No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
He passed out mid-signature
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Randomize