Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
