So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I am midnight drunk by noon
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
