So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
organizing the empties. That sober.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
