i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
