I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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