On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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