I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
